Today was a hard day-again.
It was Logan's funeral day.
And it is a day that stands alone in the halls
of pain in my own life.
2 years ago today my husband left for rehab
in CA and from that point on we have
He chose to live in bondage to a substance
and I chose to remove myself from the daily pain
and chaos that had been my life for 10 years
before that day.
This was before...trying so hard to make life
better and easier so he could maintain
sobriety and live a happy life.
This is now...living alone and trying so hard to make
life better and easier for myself
so I can maintain joy filled, godly living
and be content.
Did I make the right decision?
Did I do enough?
Do I know what the future holds?
Will addiction rob me and my children of
the man we all love?
These are the hard and unanswerable questions
that I face each and every day.
When I think I am okay and things are better
then something comes along that brings it
all into sharp focus again and I realize
afresh that the pain still hurts just as much,
the tears are just as bitter
and the wound still is not healed.
Gods faithfulness and grace meets me
every day fresh and real,
His love tenderly pours the Balm of Gilead
into my wounded heart and it IS enough
to face each day, not the future with
it's fears and sorrows, but for today.
I will trust that He who says He came to bring
life abundant means what He says!